I was reminded of a simple yet difficult fact of life last night. And it came in a way that left a great impact on me. It will come as no shock to those who know me well, but I have been really struggling lately. I try to hide it, but I have been very depressed and in a very dark place. And reaching out to others when I depressed is not my strong suit.
Last night, my brave and in-control facade fell for a few minutes and I had to have a very candid talk with my family about my struggles. My future daughter-in-law looked at me and said, “Dad, how can we support you if we don’t know you are struggling? We can’t read your mind.” She was right.
I have lived with the feeling that is not right to share my struggle with those under me. Right or wrong, it has always felt wrong to reach out to them for help. And many of my fellow clergy feel the same way. Sadly, this is the thought process that leads to clergy killing themselves instead of asking for support.
I am not going to be part of that crowd anymore. To suffer alone is wrong. Especially when I have people around me who really do care about me. And to you, clergy and laity alike, I echo that message. There are people all around you who love you and want to support you. All you have to do is ask. Reaching out for support is not a bad thing.
Because we cannot read your mind either.
During this pandemic it is easy to loose sight of the support network that is all around you. We are asked to “social distance” from everyone. This is a terrible term and gives the impression, whether we are conscience of it or not, that we should not even talk to each other. However, we are really only asked to physically distance from one another. We can be as social with each other as we want!
Today I am reaching out to ask you for your help. I need people to talk to. Even if it is only for a few minutes a couple of times a week. I need people who are willing to just sit with me when I am hurting, without judgement and without trying to “fix” me.
I promise that I will also be here for you when you need to talk. And I will not judge you, nor will I try to fix you. Instead, I will be here to walk with you along this journey through all the darkness into the blessed light that will come.
Because no pandemic last forever.
And in your dark moments, I want you to know: God loves you and so do I!
One last thing before I end this rambling blog. Can you please send us photos of you and/or your family? We would really like to tape them to our pews so that when we are celebrating Mass we can look out and see your smiling faces. You do not have to be a regular member of our parish to participate. If you follow us on Facebook, watch our Masses online, or just stumbled across us today, we would still like to include you in our Virtual Congregation. You can send your photos to firstname.lastname@example.org.
God bless you all!